rulers

they say we leave this world just the way we came into it-

naked and alone.

so if we do leave with nothing,

what then is the measure of a life?

is it defined by the people we choose to love?

or is life simply measured by our accomplishments?

and what if we fail?

or are never truly loved?

what then?

can we ever measure up?

or would the quiet desperation of a life gone wanting drive us mad?

she..

and his world would be whole again.

and his belief in God,

and love,

and art

would be reawakened in his heart.

magic

make a wish and place it in your heart.

anything you want.

everything you want.

do you have it?

good.

now believe it can come true.

you never know where the next miracle is gonna come from.

the next smile.

the next wish come true.

but if you believe that it's right around the corner,

and you open your heart

and mind

to the possibility of it-

to the certainty of it-

you just might get the thing you're wishing for.

the world is full of magic.

you just have to believe in it.

so make your wish.

do you have it?

good.

now believe in it. 

with all your heart.

home

one of these days you're gonna wake up 

and feel that same ache in your chest that i feel every morning 

and you're gonna realize how much i love you. 

and whenever that day is, 

i'll still be waiting for you. 

and you'll come home to me.

all kinds of happy

been a while.

just opened up the big "boy box" to add in a few more happy memories, and ended up spending the last hour and a half going through everything...reading old letters, cards, notes written in class, pictures drawn, smelling dried up roses, looking at pictures, concert and play tickets, and watching homemade movies. and i was flooded with an overwhelming sense of happiness.

its amazing to me how something ending can make you so sad for such a while, but then looking back on the little things that made it all so great 1 and 2 years later can make you so happy. laugh so hard. smile so much. and be so proud of yourself.

but i guess those are just signs that any sadness suffered... was worth it. 

streets

our eyes were the sound the sirens make.

this

the credits are still rolling from the graffiti movie we watched tonight and i am asleep. 

i don't think you loved it, but you're still here with me -

my room glowing blue from the screen making my hair a slightly less harsh shade of red and you are so beautiful lying there next to me. 

i am asleep, but i can see from above, from the world where dreams meet our real selves, that you are awake - taking in every moment, every detail, every breath with care. 

you want to absorb everything about this moment - our moment - so you can go home and write all that you remember. 

so you can paint the details on the walls around your heart.

will you write that i held you as if i'd never see you again?

or that tangling ourselves at the piano is becoming a habit? one i never want to break.

will you write that i think you're wonderful?

or that you have the voice of an angel? the kind that can penetrate anyone wherever they are in their lives.

will you write that i ache to see you again?

or that i think of you always?

i hope you will.

will you write that as i lay here asleep, with you awake next to me, you can feel my heart beating against yours?

pounding against its walls and trying to break free at all costs,

just so it can have one more dance with yours tonight?

i hope you will.

will you write that this time you don't want to kiss my sleeping eyes goodnight?

or that you won't?

i hope you will.

good morning

i think a chernobyl raisin made it into my raisin bran this morning. seriously, it was so big.

314

i woke up and slowly scanned the room groggy-eyed to make sure that i was still where i thought i was. yeah. still half asleep, the corners of my mouth curved and formed a smile when my scan of the room landed me on the little clock on the wall. 3:14 am. not only was it 3:14 in the morning and i was still with you, but i get excited when i see the numbers 3, 1, and 4. 3:14 am - the time on the clock when the feelings hit me...and my birthday. i shook off the grogginess, opened my eyes completely, and looked down, only to find you sleeping peacefully in my lap. the entire night was unlike any other i've ever had. i don't know if it was the way nothing seemed to work in our favor, the way every restaurant was closed, or just you. but walking barefoot along the city's quiet streets, everything was perfect. the two of us - were perfect. i looked down again. you were snoring, and still very asleep. you twitch when you sleep. i wonder what you were dreaming of. our night? me? were you dreaming happy dreams? the feelings. i like you. you still had my fingers laced in yours. laced the way we had laced them earlier in the night as we sat and played the piano together. one fantasy - to sit and play and sing - that i can cross out on my checklist of dreams. i took my gaze off of the wall's clock. your apartment "the inside of a 1970's boardshort" is so colorful. your paintings are incredible. you. are incredible. you smile when you sleep. or are you smiling because you're with me? do you dream in the same language as you paint? you inspire me. i've been awake, but i've been dreaming. it's no longer 3:14 am - the clock now reads a sleepy 3:57 am. i should get home, but i don't want to wake you. could i slide away without disturbing you - without interrupting your dreams? no way. our arms are too twisted and our fingers still laced and your head on my lap. i stroke your hair and forehead...you're still asleep. i whisper in your ear...you're still asleep. suddenly i don't mind so much if you wake up or not. you're an angel. i trace my lips along each one of your fingers still tangled in mine. i have to leave. i make my way out of the tangle we got ourselves into and kiss your sleeping eyes goodbye. you awake with a smile. "you are impossible to wake up."

i am so glad i went to school today

honest to goodness, that is what i saw parked in the parking lot before my first class. 

to top itself off, the license plate frame read "too close for missiles, im switching to guns."

good thinking, batman.

i strongly dislike going to my anthropology class. mostly because i dont believe 85% of what the professor tries to teach us. today's class was especially ridiculous. ridiculous enough to blog about. some of the stupid things he said to us today:

1. "bats are cuter than human babies."

2. "i'm getting married this summer. we've been together for ten years. we've been living in sin for 10 years now, isn't that great?"

..and my favorite:

3. "there are a lot of Goliaths out there, but remember that there are also a lot of DANIELS."

ridiculous, but never boring.

good going teach.

crap.

woke up this morning to go to school. 

went to straighten my hair.

and my straightener crumbled in my hands.

two pieces. 

now i have to buy a new straightener.

i am not going to school.

relaxation, meet ben & jerry

i went to the gym tonight.

THE gym. 

the gym that i renewed my yearly pass to in january, and went to for the first time tonight.

but i didnt just go to the gym. no no. i participated in an hour-long yoga class. 

i am unbelievably sore. i don't know who said yoga was supposed to be relaxing.

more things that don't get enough hype:

1. people who are flexible.

2. yoga mats

3. yoga pants

4. relaxation music

5. the "relaxation pose"

6. falling asleep during the "relaxation pose"

nothing better than coming home from yoga and settling down with a friendly pint of ben & jerry's ice cream. 

juice for the journey

first half of they day today = routine.

but i realized something.

before going home from school, i made the decision to detour to the nearest juice stop.

and as i was sitting at the table, waiting for my number 7 dream, a girl sat next to me. im gonna guess that she was maybe in her late twenties, and was just so nice. 

she started talking to me. asked me if i was on my lunch break. i told her i had just gotten out of my class. and she started asking me questions about school and work and what i plan on doing after school. i asked the same questions in return. and i really did care about what she was saying.

the most amazing thing to me was that she already had her smoothie. she was not waiting like i was. i will probably never see this girl again, she doesnt need to know all these things about me, and she most certainly did not have to sit there next to me and make conversation.

BUT SHE WANTED TO.

she just wanted to be friendly and meet me and talk to me. she made me want to hear her story and what she was going to school for and what she was going to do with her life. and she made my day.

i feel like this is the way things should always be. 

who says standing in line at the grocery store or bank or waiting for your food or coffee or smoothie should be awkward and uncomfortable? definitely not the girl that i met today.

people are always in such a hurry these days. no time to stop and talk to a stranger. mind you, im not suggesting that we all go out and give our personal information to a stranger, but what ever happened to taking a second to stop and be friendly?

i realized that there are not enough nice people like this anymore. 

p.s. what happened to BOP-ITs? 

i think they have fallen off the face of the earth almost completely. im in search of one. if anyone could point me in the right direction, i'd appreciate it tremendously.

baby's first blog

peanut butter cookies don't get enough hype.

they're great.

yesterday was the greatest day. i made a new friend. actually two new friends. we got dinner and laughed a whole lot. funny friends don't get enough hype either. 

I'm new to the blogger's wonderland, and I'm definitely not "the funny kid (TFK)," but I'm putting my best foot forward - an expression i never quite understood. i like to think one foot is equally as great as the other, but i guess my tattood foot is way cooler.

my new friend not only convinced me to start a blog, but decided that she knows who i am supposed to be together forever with.

she also decided that this means i have to get a new tattoo.